Well here it goes, here it goes again.

First, I'd like to say hi. This is my first post :]

Anyways, yeah. It's that time of year for me again. A time when I start to think about my past, present and future, then critically analyze myself to see if I'm worth the space I'm taking up. While it never comes down to that, I do like to review myself as a whole to see where I'm at, and where I'd like to go. This is that time.

Now normally around this time I tend to stay on the quiet side, taking in everything I see and hear, but releasing nothing to the public. It's like talking to a wall.

This time it's different.

Now I have this neat little blog-thing to help me organize my thoughts. And reading my thoughts should surely help me finish this process a little faster so I can go back to being my normal, sarcastic, apathetic self. To be honest, I think it's working.

Now if I could only figure out how organic chemistry works....

Anyways, this is the first of many posts you'll see from me. Because, like everyone else, I have shit to deal with. And what better than writing what's bothering me down so others can comment and leave me some sort of morbid support which kinda helps in the short-term, but not really? Exactly, nothing.

Except cake. Too bad it's a lie 0.0

Although my obsession with Portals references doesn't solve anything, it sure as hell makes me feel smart.

So, on to the real meat of the post. I've never been one for introductions anyways. I've been reflecting on myself for about a day now (and unhealthily fixating myself on one aspect of my present which I really hope becomes a permanent reality).  I've been thinking about everything; past relationships, my personality, my school life, my social life, my inner workings, basically how I came to be as I know myself now. This is a topic I find most fascinating. If you really stop and think about it (and I highly encourage you to), there are certain events, or people, in your life which really shape who you are. Try thinking of a few examples for yourself. It's uncanny how one little thing in your past can change you permanently for the better, or even for the worse. Luckily enough, I'm the guy who benefitted from such a situation.

Now keeping this all in mind (no pun intended), I think I finally realize what it is I'm looking for, and thus why I've spent so much time thinking about it. In short, I'm looking for another one of those life-altering experiences, whether it be with someone, or just at some event. I want to be able to look back at this thing and think what I'm thinking now: that I came out of it a better person than I am today. Think of it as my little philosophy. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy, really. But the problem is, I'm striving so hard to find it that I'm not allowing the catalyst to enter the equation. And believe me, it's needed. These things take time.

So what do I conclude from all of this? I'm trying to piece it all together myself. But what I've come up with so far is this: I need to stop searching for this fulfillment, because it'll eventually come to me, and when it does, I will be complete. For how long, nobody knows, but complete I shall be.

I leave you now with this little phrase I came up with myself:

Perhaps trying for something is the wrong way about it; it seems the best way is to let it work itself out.

I'm out.